you can always retake the class

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 14:56:39 GMT

aside from the fact that everything else is kinda spinning out of control, ive never been so happy in my entire life as i am with ryan.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:24:06 GMT

"aw theyre beautiful"
"i mean cute"
"i mean handsome"
"and super manly"

ahha.
oh god.

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 22:04:20 GMT

i wish i was back in canada.
laying on the beach
relaxing
shnuggling up to nick.
knowing it was all going to end in a few days.

because this is scary.
so much scarier.
and im gonna push it away before it gets a chance to get worse.
and i hate myself so damn much for it
but now i can't stop
fudackjds;lfkjas FUCK.

seriously.
fuck.
why can't i allow someone to be this close to me
why have i finally found someone who's sacrificed SO MUCH just to be with me
and i still don't have faith.

why the fuck did i get a tattoo that says trust
cuz two years ago i trusted everyone
and now theres like 2 people i trust.

i guess i'm a shitty person too tho
i fall in that category.

but fuck man
seriously.

he's too perfect. and i'm gonna destroy it all.
and then i'm gonna hate myself.

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 05:31:32 GMT

welcome week partying was awesome aside from getting beat repeatedly...but whatever, a couple bruises are worth the night. anyway.

everything's amazing right now.
i'm sooo scared its all gonna go away again.
like it always does
usually because of me.

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:50:33 GMT

strike that.
:-X

i thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i'm falling in loveeeeeeeeeeee.
but then again, how often does that happen? bi-weekly or so?

i hate that its never a big deal for me.
i want to make it matter
i just honestly don't think i have enough left in me to care as much as i should.

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 02:42:31 GMT

fuckk
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:57:04 GMT

I am positively STOKED for tomorrow there's no other way to word it.
I feel giddy.
I never thought I would feel GIDDY about a boy.
But I do :)

Usually it's like...different. Like I'm excited but I play it cool and I'm generally a big lame.
Now I just like..even though the situations absolutely BLOWS
and I feel like I'm getting the shit end of the deal,
I love being able to tell someone how I feel.
It makes me feel so much better about my future.
Maybe someday someone else, someone in a different position, will make me feel this damn giddy.

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 17:39:01 GMT

this sucks so bad.

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:46:41 GMT

Canada = Dream Come True.
I fell in love ( as alwaysss ) this time with superman. hahaha.
God I wish vacation romances lasted.

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 15:58:11 GMT

Sometimes people surprise the hell out of me.
Like last night...I got more than enough bad surprises to last me a while.
But then Dahan definitely shocked the hell out of me...
I guess I underestimate my friends sometimes.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:56:46 GMT

Back to square one.

How do I always end up here?
At least this time I'm not at square one completely by myself.

Six months is a long time though. I'm kinda proud.
Although it did only teach me that I'm better off single, haha.

No more dating.
For a long time.
Nobody let me date.
At least not seriously.

TWO WEEKS & a couple days til CANADIA.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 19:02:38 GMT

Blehhhhhhh.
How can college be so encouraging and so discouraging at the same time?
How come I'm so undecided regarding this relationship?
How come everything can't just stay PERFECT?

How do you know when a friendship is falling apart...how do you stop it?

Dang.

Tue, 22 May 2007 11:36:35 GMT

For the first time in seriously probably 3 years I've been unbelievably happy for an extensive period of time with a single person. AND I'm not even proud of myself because it's not like it's been hard, he makes it extremely easy to be happy. I just wish everyone else would be happy too. Rather than give me shit about age or distance...fuck, I'd rather be happy with someone I love that's far away and older than me than miserable with someone closer to my age close to my house...If I'm this happy everyone else should be just as happy for me - it's not your life to live it's not your long distance relationship to be with, YOU didn't have to get past the age difference hurdle. We did that all on our own. And it's stupid to try to deny that it's been hard, it's been far from easy but after this weekend and spending FINALLY 5 days together without spending more than 2 minutes apart, a lot of things came together for me. I feel like everyone wants an explanation of why I'm with him - why I'm wasting my time, so they say. I don't owe an explanation to ANYONE...I don't need to explain why I love someone or want to be with someone, that's stupid as hell. Because I'm happy - period, end of discussion. For some reason that's not clicking people's heads. But whatever. It's sad because the same people who once gave me so much motivation to come back to Troy, the people I missed to death when living on the west side of the state, are now giving me a reason to leave again - I dont like being criticized and scrutinized when I'm not doing anything wrong. Almost all of Mike's friends have met me, accepted me, and moved on with it - I guess people do get wiser with age.

The past 5 days have been the best 5 days ever. Indiana was amazing, the drive was amazing, his family is awesome, the weather was perfect, I'm sick of red lobster. The wedding was great, the wine was delicious, Indiana University has an incredible campus, and outlet malls are the shit.

And I want to be a lawyer even more now that I've met a family full of lawyers and college professors.

I can't stop smiling

:-D

Fri, 04 May 2007 03:02:47 GMT

:-D

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:15:14 GMT

It's been a long time since I've actually said something informative.

Jeremy is buying a house in October and I'm moving in with him because it's (a) cheap (b) fun and (c) a good friend. And (d) I can't wait to be out of my house. But that's as long as we can stay friends for the next 6 months, which we've never had a problem with so I don't foresee one now. But either way I'm superexcited because now I'm actually able to plan things out for being able to be back out of the residence after this summer, which is tight.

Working 2 full time jobs has seriously been INSANE. This month has flown by I have no idea where it went. But a good 300 hours of it have gone to working, which is incredible but wearing me out. I'm excited to start school next week so that I can take a break from working so much. And make some new friends, as much as I LOVE most of the people I work with I'm getting so sick of seeing the same faces every single day for at least 10+ hours.

And I get my wifey back on Saturdayyy so hopefully that will be good stress relief for me - stoney creek days & nights in the pool/hot tub, late night walks & everything, I'll have all my favorite passtimes back!!! :-D

I have Monday-Wednesday off because I'm sneaky :) And I'm going to Grand Rapids on Tuesdayy to see Mike. And the puppies whom I might miss a little more than Mike (they're cuter). Then the following week I start classes & stop working so much. And going to Cedar Point on the 12th with Mike & Josh & Erin & WIFEYY :-D & then a nice 4 day weekend in Indiana with Mike for a wedding. Except it's about 20 minutes away from Kentucky so I think I'm just gonna say I'm going to Kentucky for a wedding.

The only thing that sucks is that I'm spending the first 3 weeks of June studying my ass off trying to keep good grades in 5 different summer school classes...which means most likely no Grand Rapids trips. Which is yucky.

BUT other than that life is perfect.
I've been really optimistic lately (aside from the nervous breakdowns from overworking & undersleeping)
And for the first time in my entire life I've actually been able to make a relationship work.
Just go figure that it's gonna be a long distance one.
Maybe I'm better at that :)
Either way, I'm happy so that's that.
And I'm proud of myself.

And I deserve a vacation.

Can't wait until Pinery...
Simply can't wait.

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:33:14 GMT

:-D

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 13:48:01 GMT

kj & i got to talkin last night about how when we think about moving back out, like him moving back to new orleans or me movin anywhere far away again, the main thing that stops us is our friends. n it's actually completely true...i can't imagine not goin to kj n jeremy's almost every night, or one of the boys not being around anymore. its totally unfathomable right now and i'd never imagine leaving them. since i've come back they've really been the only people i've hung out with and they've been all i needed. so in a sense we're all we've got, and that's all we need...which makes right now so much harder because we're all trying to figure out what to say or do and its difficult.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:22:56 GMT

I dont like that my bad mood directly correlates to this.
Sooo I'm gonna cheer up, smile, chill, go to work.
And see my old favorite people tonight!

Yayy.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:13:20 GMT

I didnt think this could ever happen to me.

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 21:32:39 GMT

I miss my room mates.
I miss Jess the mostest.
I miss living with my best friend.
But it's silly cuz our conversations online are just absolutely ridiculous.
I feel like I still live there.
Maybe cuz I just left today.
I miss Mike a lot.
My little asian sardine.
I miss my crazy hysterical chipmunk.

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 00:16:56 GMT

I would I could define forever.

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 04:54:41 GMT

ohhhkay
i dont like to be kept waiting for over an hour
that's what you call not. fucking. cool.
i swear every day it's a new opinion about this situation.
right now, its a nasty one.
really nasty.
i'm pissed.

anyway. i want my car back? yes.

and 300 was AMAZING! as of right now, best movie i've ever seen.

all i wanna do is just go to bed. and i think i may do just that.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 13:12:23 GMT

home is nice - i love it.
besides the yelling [but what can you do]

chrissy & jayme's visit was wonderful & i'm SO glad you guys came. i love you & i'm glad you finally got to see my houseee. :):):)

plus mine & jess's walk last night was so reminiscent of this summer that it fully cheered me up.
even though it was below zero and i've never been so cold in my LIFE.

and my mila baby today :) can't wait to see her
+ shoppin day with jess.
+ hopefully seein' the wonderful rochester crew.

andd seeing 300 with mike when i get back to GR :)

DRYDENNN on saturday = camera & lots of pictures! can't wait. dryden's pretty photogenic.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 02:39:27 GMT

Ha....
this is silly.

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 06:10:39 GMT

I think I can't wait to go home.
I'm not sure how I'll feel when I'm actually back home.
But right now, anything is better than this.

I'm gonna miss the roomies.
And some (very few) of the people from work.

But fuck this.
My friends back home are irreplaceable and absolutely amazing.
And this shit never fucking happened back home.